Or so she said.It’s okay ... linen clings ... jeans mold ... no matter ... it’s all fine ass.“Sheriff ... your wife is looking this way.”“Shit ... who is that woman?” he asked.“Wendy Austin...”He gave me that look ... you know the one ... the one that says, “Don’t make me make you regret it.”“Wendy Austin ... Attorney at Law,” I said.“That is a lawyer?” He said, “I expected she’d be a centerfold.”“Exactly my thinking ... until she foxed me into marrying her.”That brought us BOTH to a standstill.The Sheriff made a simple statement, “Does Karen know?”“Yup ... what she said was, ‘Stay out of Colorado.’”“Colorado?”“Common law,” I said. Then I had to explain the circumstances. So ... we’re standing out in the pasture ... and I kept talking until he said, “I see. Stay out of Colorado.”We turned to the Avocado ... outside the crowd was fancy dancing. Some of those hispanics can really dance ... and they were dancing with Wendy ... and the sheriff’s wife ... and both of them were having way. “These,” she gestured at the flimsy black lace that was all she wore, “cost hundreds of dollars. I don’t want them ruined.”I looked down at my own matching, sky blue underwear. It didn’t cost that much, but was my favourite set. “Don’t tell me that you’re suggesting we walk stark... ”But Ally had already slipped off her bra, and three pairs of eyes were focussed on her full breasts.“I’m sure the boys will join in too, if that makes you more comfortable?”It didn’t make me more comfortable at all, but both men were quick to agree and start removing their last items of clothing.I sighed and reached for my bra clasp, thinking I was definitely diving in at the deep end. Little did I know.*We stepped out into the downpour and I fought the urge to try to cover myself with my hands. Everyone else seemed entirely cool with this.My firm intention to look Matt and Ally in the eye and not let my eyes stray lower lasted just seconds. Ally had a neat landing strip, but Matt had shaved all his.
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